Far Beneath the Snow
by mdancerfan78
Summary: Andy becomes increasingly overprotective of Sharon as she begins an ill-advised affair with Chief Johnson and Sharon must decide what she is willing to risk for love in the midst of a dangerous FBI/LAPD op, finding the leak in Brenda's division, and then taking over Major Crimes entirely while fostering a troubled teenager. Romance/Suspense. Sharon/Brenda & pre-canon!Sharon/Andy
1. Chapter 1

December 27, 2012

The sunbeam peered through the window and illuminated a pale face buried in a tangle of blond waves. The small figure nestled in the covers slowly blinked her eyes against the blinding light that disturbed her slumber. She looked at her phone and sighed, clutching it to her chest. December 27th. She'd been dreading this day, and all the anniversaries of precious memories turned painful that will shortly follow.

She doesn't know what she was thinking, and it occurs to her she wasn't thinking at all. She was running from the best thing that ever happened to her because she was scared and a coward. Too much change, too much unfamiliar territory. Brenda Leigh Johnson had lost her mother, was losing her job and all the friends she'd worked with for seven years. Was she to lose her marriage as well? She couldn't do it. She had found such a perfect surprise in another's arms, true love like she never knew it existed, the piece that had been missing from her soul, but when the moment of truth finally came, she couldn't throw the dice. She could've had everything she never knew she wanted, or end up with nothing. Instead, she clung to her meager chips and walked away from the table.

The month in Atlanta with her dad flew by and gave her enough distraction to ignore the decision she'd made - ignore the hurt she'd caused all around. She felt badly that she had hurt Fritz as much as she did. Even now, she could see he was still stung by her infidelity though he said he didn't want to lose her. They have been doing well lately, but more like best friends who happened to share a bed. The emptiness of what she was missing illuminated more in its presence. She loved him, but she was so _in love _with a memory long past she barely had a moment to herself that she felt she could actually get a full breath of air. Once she'd returned to LA, it was clear to her as the morning sun. She'd made her choice and now she was going to have to live with it... but it was the wrong choice.

She'd hurt the two people she loved most in the world so terribly, so selfishly, she couldn't just go tell them now that she'd changed her mind like she accidentally grabbed a carrot muffin when she meant banana. Her chest hurt continuously, lungs squeezed tightly by a restriction too powerful to ignore. It had been four months since making the decision to break her lover's heart and if she thought the pain would lessen over time, she couldn't have been more wrong. If she could reach into her own chest and rip the vice from her insides she would certainly do it and be done. There is no moving on and the pain grows worse with each passing day. She wonders if her lover still feels for her, if she still pines for her as she does or if she has cast her memory aside, shoved out the door with the pain Brenda bestowed upon her hasty departure. Either was possible with that woman. She could be the most loving person on the planet or the most rigid ice sculpture ever carved.

Even if she did still love her, how would she begin to earn her trust again? How could she ask that after stringing her along for 8 months, promising her it wasn't a fling and eventually, promising to love her forever, only to leave her broken and sobbing in her doorway? If she were honest with herself, that fateful first encounter was more about being needy and fulfilling a lustful curiosity than a romantic connection as she had led Sharon to believe. That she loves her now with all her soul is irrelevant, the first time she made love to her is tainted by Brenda's dishonesty. She never admitted that, even at the end. She would carry the secret to her grave rather than burden her love with that sadness. Brenda closed her eyes, tears spilling over the sides as she stewed on the anniversary of this day, the first pivotal moment in the downfall of her behavior. Her beautiful Captain, trying to console her after that ridiculous Johnson Rule incident on a cold winter night.

...

December 27, 2011

Sharon Raydor was taking a stroll down her favorite section of the fashion district, enjoying the colorful and eclectic window displays of the season. She loved the creativity that Christmastime inspired in this section of L.A. Striding the street in her new Jimmy Choos and sipping her extra hot latte, she spotted a familiar blond figure standing in a black trench coat, shivering and staring absently into the Ann Ferriday display. She paused to consider her from a distance; the first thought entering her mind was a picture of the Chief's long blond curls fluttering over the sleek silhouette of one of those clingy black lace dresses, pale shapely legs tapering out from the short scalloped hemline into jeweled red stilettos. She dismissed the tingling shudder passing through her body which she was pretty sure didn't have anything to do with the 47o weather outside, especially since it actually served to warm her face and extremities. Her next thought was more realistic and elicited a small hum of amusement. The Chief probably didn't even know who Ann Ferriday was and what most likely resided under the somewhat tasteful overcoat was some sort of hideous floral skirt and sweater combination.

"Wouldn't have expected to find you here, Chief." The brunette approached the younger woman with a warming smile.

"Oh! Captain! Good heavens, what a coincidence. Of all the places to be on a Tuesday night, who knew L.A. was this small?" The comment came out in a forced saccharine drawl, but that was mostly related to her mood at the moment. It surprised her to learn she felt a wave of gratitude at the unexpected presence which seemed to offer subtle comfort almost instantaneously.

Sharon tilted her head and blinked at the woman widely. "Well, I didn't mean to interrupt your thoughts, I just wanted to say hello," she offered graciously as she squeezed the younger woman's shoulder and stepped onward.

"Oh, don't go, Captain… Sharon. I-I could really use some company… tonight. If you're not busy?"

"Are you here alone, Chief?"

Brenda looked at her shoes, quickly turning her back to Sharon a bit as she discreetly swiped at her face. She looked up and then back to the Captain, holiday lights glittering in her black eyes as she tried to speak in a normal tone. "I don't…" She faltered a little. "Fritzi has been so great through all this, but I know he is tired of hearin' me go on and on about my job. Every time I open my mouth, the only thing that wants to come out is this Johnson Rule nonsense." She spat her own name distastefully whenever it was succeeded by the word 'rule'. "I just needed to get out for a bit on my own."

Sharon slid her hands in her coat pockets and looked to her left, going over the events of the slight betrayal from her friend Gavin. Her gaze drifted to the sky thoughtfully and when her focus landed back on the piteous woman in front of her, her eyes shifted slightly with the shaking of her head, one side of her mouth upturned in a knowing sorrowful little smile. "Chief…" Her voice was low and it looked like she was about to continue, but she was interrupted by a shaky higher pitched voice.

"I know. I know you weren't part of that plan and you didn't have a say in the final decision. Gavin said.."

"I know what Gavin said," the older woman interrupted edgily. She felt partially responsible. They'd been friends forever and she really took it personally whenever his "take care of number one" attitude prevailed. He should be better than that, especially when he was supposed to be taking care of her friend. Sharon startled herself from her train of thought. Since when did she consider Chief Johnson her friend? Her shoulders slumped as she lacked any comforting words. "Come on… I'll buy you a drink," she offered.

The blond's voice finally cracked as she collapsed onto the older woman's shoulders and flung her arms around her. "I could really use a cheeseburger," she practically sobbed.

Sharon's eyes went wide for a moment and she stiffened as the slight frame collapsed into her embrace. She reached up to stroke the soft waves once with her right hand, trailing it down the younger woman's back linking it around her elbow and stepping forward to nudge her off to the side so they could walk. Brenda left her arm linked through hers as they headed north toward Broadway. "Where we goin?" she asked as her head drift sideways to a shoulder covered in rich dark strands.

Sharon tried not to wonder at how comfortable it felt, walking arm in arm with this woman in the cool night air, lights and bustle of the holiday season surrounding them. "You said you wanted a hamburger."

"Cheeseburger," she reminded.

"Hm," Sharon smiled happily. "Cheeseburger, then. There's a great place right around the corner."

The older woman led them right on Broadway and towards a place that didn't look very Captain Raydor-like at all.

"Umamicatessen!?"

Sharon hummed an amused approval at the younger woman's comical mispronunciation mixed with her surprised southern drawl. "Umamicatessen," she corrected.

Brenda's face became increasingly contorted as they looked over their menus. "Uh…Sharon?"

"Yes, Chief," she answered smoothly without looking up from her menu.

En exasperated sigh escaped her lips as her tone returned to its favored incredulous variation. "Oh for heaven's sake!" The older woman looked up at the outburst, eyebrows lifted. "I think I wiped my nose on your hair at some point, don't you think it's time to call me Brenda?" Sharon's nose and lip curled up on one side in distaste as she eyed the hair on her shoulder. "And what on this menu do you think qualifies as a cheeseburger?"

"How bout the Greenbird?"

"Turkey is not a burger and the only thing green should be on it is a piece of iceberg lettuce which I'd pick off anyway." The chief's more charming personality traits were reasserting themselves.

"Something tells me you'll like the manly burger."

Sharon ordered a glass of blanc de blancs with a truffle beet salad and suggested a drink called the citrus tree for the Chief, hoping the sugary concoction would cheer her up a bit as they ate and talked.

* * *

**A/N: I've only a vague idea where this is going which is unheard of for me. I normally like to have most of the plot and the ending written in stone before I will share any of a story. I'm trying something new so I hope you enjoy. As always, reviews are what awesome is made of & thanks for reading! **

**Sorry I had to change the title - the 1st one was really crap & I shouldn't have let myself come up with it at 1:30 in the morning :)**


	2. Chapter 2

The small blond woman sat behind the desk in her office, absently gazing through the open verticals at her team who were busy wrapping up paperwork from the case they closed yesterday. She pretended to work on her own reporting while trying to wrap her head around the slight nagging in her mind that was putting her mood just out of place. She stared blankly through the pages in front of her, so unfocused that all the black lines and check boxes blurred together into the white back ground. As she searched for the source of her growing irritation, it occurred to her it might be that the FID Captain who's been haunting her steps for so long didn't make one appearance throughout this entire case. In fact, she hasn't seen or heard from her since the evening they shared at that umami-whatsit place and strolling around the city…

It was a wonderful evening. As angry and heartbroken as she had been after Pope and Gavin sold her out for the settlement, she never dreamed she'd spend the night laughing so much. She laughed and laughed. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she had an evening of such carefree fun and frivolity. She loved the way the Captain would let her drone on and on about her troubles, let her talk as much as she wanted, lending a sympathetic ear one minute and then making her forget about everything in the next. Who knew she was so full of humor outside of work? The attention felt nice.

Her wiser companion, only having had 2 glasses of wine followed by a few cups of hot tea, had to drive her home at two in the morning. Brenda didn't remember how many of those wonderfully sugary citrus drinks she had, but if their sole value had been to lift her spirits, they were worth their weight in gold. Everything after 1am grew hazy in her memory, returning to her as fragmented scenes out of order over the course of the week. Nervous butterflies swam a rapid circle through Brenda's stomach as she wondered if the reason for the Captain's absence lately had something to do with the way Brenda had said good night.

She hadn't remembered it the next day, or even the day after that, but in that moment between sleep and awake 3 nights later just as she was drifting off, her mind had conjured an extremely sensual dream. She smiled lazily, wriggling into the sheets at the feel of tender lips, soft hair, jasmine scented skin… Her eyes flew open, blinking wildly as realization stuck; that was no dream - it was a memory! She _kissed _the wicked witch! She sat bolt upright in bed looking over at Fritz who was already sound asleep and tried to force her mind to recall how the sequence of events took place. Her brow furrowed, eyes shut and rubbing her temples, whispering to herself as she did so, "ohhh no no no no no no no no," trying desperately to grasp the whole picture.

She had decided to look for a taxi and ask Fritz to bring her back for the car the next day, but Sharon offered to drive her home instead. She talked throughout the entire ride and the older woman just listened and nodded in her usual calming manner, reaching over to squeeze her hand in reassurance on occasion. Her hands were so delicate, long slender fingers with a light touch and the tendons flexed through her thin skin, looking almost erotic in nature. The contact had caused little shots of tingling energy to shoot through Brenda's core. It was unexpected and exciting; she liked it and, in her inebriated state, wanted to encourage it again.

When they got to her house, Brenda was practically asleep in the passenger seat and not too keen on moving so Sharon walked around to help her out of the car. When she gave the younger woman's hand a yank upwards, the blond stumbled all over her, bearing all her weight on the dark haired woman. She apparently thought it was great fun, stumbling and laughing as she knocked the Captain back into the side of the car and fell forward against her. Sharon was smirking and stifling a giggle at the Chief's antics when Brenda braced her hands on the sober woman's shoulders to push herself off. She didn't get far before deciding to let her elbows re-slacken and lean back against Sharon's body, this time their faces level.

Thick lashes fluttered closed over black eyes as she relished in the feel of the Captain's breasts pressed into her own which elicited more of the tingling that felt so new and thrilling. Her face and palms grew hot and her nipples pebbled under her clothing with a twinge as she was practically feeling her up with her own body. Their giggles had faded to hushed chuckles as she lifted her lids and found eyes of jade staring quizzically mere inches away. The chuckles slowly faded to even smaller noises barely louder than hummed breaths and she righted herself, staring back into the green depths which now looked black from this angle. Unsure of what came over her, Brenda reached up with both hands and ran her fingers into thick dark strands on either side of the older woman's face.

"How do rate with all this gorgeous hair so perfect all the time, Cap'n?"

"Chief…" This was starting to grow seriously uncomfortable and Sharon began to squirm under the younger woman's scrutiny, but she wasn't granted much time to process her own thoughts. She blinked once and her eyes went wide as she suddenly felt soft lips pressing directly onto hers. The kiss was chaste and tender, but it was more than the usual farewell between friends. Furthermore, the little waves of electricity streaming down her abdomen elicited an involuntary hum from the back of her throat and spurred an almost uncontrollable urge on her to take more. Her pulse rushed in her ears and she leaned forward, but good sense quickly took control as she gently gripped the Chief's shoulders and eased her back. Sharon tried to keep the confused, somewhat hurt look out of her eyes as she played off the incident as an accidental stumble on Brenda's part, laughing out the words, "okay, Chief. Time for you to lie down before you fall on someone else," she forced a friendly smile.

Brenda just smiled easily in her chemically assisted carefree state. "Thank you so much for tonight, Cap'n… you've no idea how much I needed that," she genuinely offered as she turned to make a drunken beetle trail toward her front door.

"Good night, Chief," the Captain drew out in slightly shell-shocked monotone. She decided not to dwell on whether Brenda was referring to the evening or the kiss.

…

Brenda flung herself out of her desk chair and decided she was done stewing as she strode purposefully out of her office. "Is FID so understaffed these days that you are the only one can handle OIS investigations now, Captain, or do you just not care about findin' the leak in my division anymore?" She was always a fan of the direct approach and didn't see any reason why that should change now. She stared haughtily at the Captain, standing in her open doorway with her hands on her hips, black eyes flashing.

Sharon started in her seat, eyes snapping up from the triplicate forms at her fingertips. Once the initial surprise of the intrusion wore off, her expression grew to an amused smirk. She pursed her lips once, looking up and to the side as she pulled her glasses from her face with one hand and set them down on the desk with a click. She continued looking thoughtfully to the side for a moment before blinking once and shifting just her eyes in Brenda's direction. Linking her hands together in front of her, she now fully faced the Chief and leaned into the stare. The smaller woman had come here to intimidate her junior officer, but it was quickly turning out to be the other way around as she squirmed under the Captain's glare. "Tell me, Chief…" she began in smooth tenor, "is this the way you say "thank-you" in Atlanta?"

"Thank you?" she barked incredulously, stomping her foot.

"Yes. Thank you," she emphasized with her eyebrows. "It's what one says when they're appreciative of something nice that someone has done for them recently." She emphasized each syllable towards the end in perfect monotone.

Brenda grew annoyed at the Captain's sarcastically expressive head motions and briefly wondered if the woman would be able to talk at all if someone were to hold her head still. She wished she'd better organized her point before she went bombing down here, but since she'd already made the first move, there was no backing down at this point. "Look, Cap'n, I.. appreciate.. that you were there for me when I was upset. But it would be nice if you'd remember the reason I was upset was caused by a problem you're s'pose to be fixin'! … And-an I don't think it's too much to ask for that to be a priority so we can all get back to normal around here sooner than later!"

Sharon eyes widened in mild disbelief, crossing her arms over her chest, an almost smile forming on her lips as she tried to process the increasing irrationality. The attempt at giving the Chief a little space was obviously misplaced since she was apparently over any embarrassment from what had transpired, if she recalled it at all. She guessed that at least saved her the trouble of wondering if it had meant anything more than just an inebriated whim as she watched the other woman stalk off, blond hair flipping behind her when she spun in the doorway. She glanced over at a very confused looking Sgt. Elliot and rolled her eyes in a controlled, dramatic fashion to convey her exasperation with the twitchy leader of Major Crimes.

Brenda trembled all the way back to her office. She didn't know why she'd had the sudden desperate urge to accost the head of FID and instigate an argument. Why now was she craving the contact of that woman who had aggravated her for so long and what was she hoping to accomplish? She had to admit ever since she'd remembered their unconventional farewell, it became a constant source of distraction buzzing around in her brain and she needed to know how the Captain felt about it. Maybe it wasn't as obvious a faux pas as she remembered; maybe it got blown out of proportion in her distorted memory. The nagging nipped at the corner of her mind again, causing her stomach to flip, _'or maybe she's avoiding you since you made a fool of yourself and she doesn't know how to respond.'_

…

The single illuminated lamp in Sharon's living room was soft enough to allow her to enjoy the view of the pouring rain through her tall windows as she read, curled up on the plushy red sofa. It took her a moment to realize the small tapping noise was actually a knock at her front door and not part of the rolling thunder outside. She quickly sat her report down on the coffee table and padded over to see who was calling at this late hour. Looking through the peephole her jaw dropped and she took a moment to quell the disquiet in her stomach before stepping back to open the door for her unexpected guest. Shivering and clutching what looked like a pink bakery box was a very wet Chief, damp blond tendrils clinging to her face and buckets of water rolling off her coat, thoroughly soaking the carpet in the hall.

The Captain blinked and quirked her lips uneasily, unsure of what to say which was a new experience for her, recently brought on by very the woman dripping in her doorway. "Chief?"

"You were right, Cap'n. You were there for me when I really needed someone and I never did properly thank-you." Brenda lifted the box a little to indicate her offering and asked vulnerably, "May I come in?"

* * *

**A/N: A few of the roads are now coming into focus for this story between points A & B so hopefully it won't be too long between updates. Many thanks and much appreciation to those who have followed/favorited/reviewed... I really appreciate the encouragement and hope you continue to enjoy the story! Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

Brenda stood wrapped in a huge purple towel the Captain had bundled around her the second she had seen her soaking in the hallway. Her overcoat hung on a rack by the door, another towel compulsively folded beneath it to catch any dripping water. She hovered hesitantly near the overpass in the kitchen, eyes cast downward on the dark green granite as she nervously toyed with a few coins that were resting near the edge. She hadn't really thought everything through as to why she rushed over or what she would say once she got here and she eyed the dark haired woman moving gracefully around the elegant space pondering conversational icebreakers.

Sharon busied herself mopping up the entry way with yet another towel and making sure there was no water on the floor under the coat as she apologized for her earlier outburst and explained she wasn't really looking for a thank you, she was just caught off guard and felt like she was under attack.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call it an attack, Cap'n," the blond defended, perking up a bit in her spot.

"Oh that's not an accusation, Chief," she reassured smoothly as she carried the soggy pink box into the kitchen.

Brenda furrowed her brow. Why does she always feel on the defensive around this woman? Maybe it was a little attack, but a valid inquiry to be sure.

She placed the box on the counter a few feet from the other woman and lifted the lid to look on the artful confection within. It was a smooth snow-capped dome of cream covered in raspberries interspersed with small chocolate leaves. The bottom two inches of the dome were a dark chocolate color covered by a delicate filigree pattern of gold leaf. It looked very expensive and very sweet. "Where did you get this?" Sharon wasn't really a dessert person, but this looked too decadent to ignore and her tone reflected her wonder.

"Oh." She waved a pale hand in front of her face. "Some French place with too many vowels in the name. I'd never actually been in there before, but I stopped on my way home. It looked like a place you would enjoy."

Sharon went to speak, but hesitated. She knew the place Brenda spoke of and it was not on her way home. She must've driven 45 minutes out of her way to get this. Instead she just smiled cautiously, not quite sure what the Chief was playing at with her odd behavior lately. She hummed to herself… '_even odder than usual_'. She noticed the younger woman logging her facial expressions out of the corner of her eye and quickly redirected. "You really didn't have to, it looks amazing! The diabetic coma to follow will surely be worth every bite," she laughed genuinely, the oppressive tension seeming to ease a tad. She cut 2 thin slices and served them on little red plates. Brenda frowned at the tiny portion as Sharon pulled two forks from the drawer. They each took a bite and the 'substitute O' effect of the rich dark chocolate mousse caused each of them to moan in unison, eyes retreating to the back or their heads. "Shall I put on a pot of decaf to go with?"

"Coffee? Umm… red wine & chocolate go so well together, don't you think? Do you have any?" Her stomach was jumping and this was nothing like the relaxed excitement she felt with this woman the other night. She tried not to put too much stock in the fact that she was hoping the wine might help her get some of that back … or that it's all she's been able to think about since she remembered it.

"What a good idea." Sharon responded with a warm smile as she reached for 2 wine glasses and a bottle of cabernet. She paused to eye her skeptically over her shoulder. "Can I trust you with this?" she smirked amusedly, "I'm not going to have to drive you home again, am I?"

A lump formed in Brenda's throat at the mention of the car ride home and what happened .. after… She swallowed hard at the memory. Her mouth went dry and fell slightly slack as her chin tilted forward like she was going to respond somewhat indignantly, but the words were not forming on her lips.

Sharon realized her mistake at once as the air grew still with awkward tension, so many questions and confessions hanging between them like thick smoke and mirrors. "We'll just have a glass or two," she spoke for both of them, her voice cracking to a whisper in the middle before she choked out the rest. Her hands shook as she poured the wine, causing the bottle to tremble lightly on the glass, the clinking echoing through the otherwise silent condo.

Brenda regained some of her confidence and tilted her head as she watched the Captain, noting this was the first time she'd ever seen anything shake the unflappable Raydor's cool. Feeling a little more powerful, she took a few steps and sidled right up next to the captivating creature in her midst, connecting their bodies from shoulders to their hips and hips to toes. She picked up her wine glass and lifted it in front of the older woman who had let out a hum of surprise at the new contact. Brenda husked lowly, "to the end of our status as frenemies?"

Sharon suddenly felt like the powerless one, trapped between the chief's pressing form and the corner of her granite countertops, heart thumping in her throat and breath quickening at the implications this evening brought forth. She lifted her glass and softly clicked it with the other. "I guess so," her voice thick with uncertainty. "Do you want some more cake?" she offered, trying to slide out of the tight proximity.

She turned so she was facing the chief, her back to the counter in order to step out of the corner when she was caught off guard by a hand landing on her hip, ensuring her entrapment. Brenda set her glass on the counter to her left and stepped forward to press her body flush to Sharon's, then placed her newly free hand on Sharon's other hip. She leaned her face in close and whispered against wine colored lips, "do you remember this Cap'n?"

Sharon's eyes had fluttered shut several moments ago, her brain nearly losing consciousness somewhere around the first hand to her hip. She drew her bottom lip into her mouth, biting it in an attempt to control her breathing as feathery fingers began trailing higher up her side, whispering under the hem of her top and tracing light patterns on the soft skin at her waist. The currents of heat that had been buzzing up and down her abdomen travelled lower and rippled through more interesting places as warm breath panted on her face and full lips grazed lightly across her own. A drawn out sound formed in the back of Sharon's throat and she quickly made her escape, sliding out from the corner and rounding her captor.

"Chief… I don't.. understand." She was shaking now, feeling a bit more powerless than was acceptable to her.

"What's to understand," low register firmly in place. She was in control now and she knew it. More than that, she liked it. Her sex life had grown a bit routine lately. The heat and electricity that fired through her limbs at this woman's touch last week was the most exciting thing she's felt in some time. She liked it. She moved like a puma quietly stalking her prey, eyes black with desire. It all made sense to her now, the heat that generated in their arguments, the ferocity in their stares; it was all a manifestation of the increasing sexual tension. This woman dominated her most days at work, even though she was the lower ranking officer. Her presence was regal; she was gorgeous, powerful, and Brenda wanted nothing more than to take her against a wall… hard; make her relinquish control and scream her name in surrender. "You felt the same thing I did. It's the reason you've avoided me for a week."

Sharon started to speak, but she was interrupted, "don't even try to deny it. This heat between us is palpable and you're as curious about it as I am." She lunged forward, capturing the older woman's lips in her own, thrusting her tongue against the silk of Sharon's and tasting the woman she craved without restraint. Her hands grabbed greedily at Sharon's back and into her lustrous thick waves of hair. She released a cry of joy as the electricity flooded her body and she kissed fervently across the pale jawline to her ear and down the other woman's throat.

The throbbing pulses in Sharon's body went berserk with as the younger woman caressed and kissed her in all the right places. Sharon fought off a looming panic attack and she pushed herself away. She couldn't set herself up for this again. "Chief, listen to me…"

Brenda quirked her head casually, not breaking eye contact. "I'm listenin'." Every syllable she spoke now dripped in her lowest register.

"Look, agreed. I won't lie. But I can't .. set myself up for this again." Her eyes pleaded with the younger woman and she sighed achingly. "You recall we went out a couple times for a drink towards the middle of the lawsuit?"

"Of course."

"Brenda, I had…. or at least.. was developing…," her voice faltered, eyes searching the windows and ceiling for courage to continue speaking, "feelings .. for you… then." Sharon released a huge weighted breath upon completion of her confession. Brenda looked on in mild shock as the older woman continued. "I mean… it's not like I understood them, or even admitted to myself they were romantic feelings in nature. I still don't comprehend it; I've never been attracted to a woman in my life. I like men; I loved my husband at one point. But when I look at you, and we're together…" she trailed off, unsure how to express the turmoil the whole incident had caused in her head.

"Well there you go.." Brenda tried to approach her more aggressively, but Sharon was having none of it.

"No. Brenda. I let it go too far. I built up in my head this fantasy that if we spent enough time together away from work you would start to see me as I was seeing you." She moved her gaze directly into Brenda's eyes now and spoke with purpose. "And when you stood me up that last time, I cried myself to sleep that night. That's when I knew I let myself go too far and the only fix was to keep our relationship professional. I never asked you out again. And you never noticed."

The chief tried to process the brevity of what she just heard as the Captain looked on vulnerably. She never would've guessed this side of Sharon Raydor even existed, let alone that she had, at some point, become the object of her weakness. She didn't remember standing her up for an outing, but knew she had a propensity to be flighty about things like that so it was probable. She reached out to her waist. "I want you too.." she tried to comfort.

"Yeah," Sharon flinched away. "You want me for an hour on a Friday night because it's new and exciting. No. Chief, I don't sleep with people on a whim. Sex is an emotional connection for me, even casual sex, which I've had maybe twice in my life. No." She spoke calmly and determinedly now.

Brenda ached to touch this woman, to comfort her, to hold her, to caress every inch of delicate pale skin she could lay her lips on so badly she could taste it. The whole of her skin was buzzing from head to toe. Her voice returned to a low whisper, "maybe I want that too." Sharon's eyes blinked wide for a moment before reverting to their skeptical squint. Brenda ran a palm down the length of Sharon's arm, gingerly linking their fingers together and squeezing her hand. She pulled her in close and tenderly stroked her cheek and the hair at her temples, traced the shell of her ear and softly pressed their lips together. "I don't understand these feelings either Sharon, but something between us has changed and I need you… I need you so much."

She moved her lips against those of the tall brunette and Sharon did not reciprocate. When Brenda dragged her tongue across the other woman's lower lip, Sharon gave in to the rush of euphoria that flooded her skin and opened to her Chief, allowing access to her mouth and caressing her tongue in long sensuous strokes, sending voices skyward in wanton hums. They relished in the taste of chocolate, berries and wine on each other's lips as their kisses deepened and became more frenzied. Their fingers tugged at buttons and hemlines, desperate to feel skin without barrier between them.

"Bedroom," Sharon panted between kisses and she turned the blond, walking her backwards down the hall, dropping a breadcrumb trail of clothing articles and shoes along the way. Nearly naked now, and kneeling together in the center of the bed, Sharon hesitated and slowed her movements. "Chief .. Brenda, you've never .. been with a woman?" She looked like a terrified tigress, cornered by something she thought she wanted which turned out be much bigger than expected upon closer inspection.

"Don't worry, Cap'n..." she smiled mischievously, "I think we'll figure it out just fine." She nudged Sharon onto her back and perched over her, leaning down to kiss her collarbone. Sharon shivered violently as the long blond curls tickled her breasts. She silently offered up her best rationale as she settled her new lover atop her frame and pulled her into a heated kiss.

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**A/N: I really want to keep the story rated T for the direction I'm heading, but for those who are interested, I am writing an extended M-rated version of this chapter alone as a one-shot titled "Don't Close Your Eyes". It should be up in a few days. Thanks too all who continue to follow and review! xo**


	4. Chapter 4

Sharon's eyes drifted open, the events of the evening floating back to her when she felt the unfamiliar warmth of another person snuggled into her side. One arm slung low across her abdomen and the comforting weight of a leg draped across her own caused a contented tingle to spread throughout her body and her lips parted in a broad grin. She looked over at the woman next to her in peaceful slumber, the faintest smile gracing her lips even in sleep. The blond waves were fully dry now and absurdly frizzed after the rain and the friction on the sheets while it was still damp.

Stretching her legs luxuriously, Sharon wiggled her hips into the sheets and relished in the thrumming sated feel between her thighs. Although the craving for physical closeness with the younger woman nagged at her insides the more her attraction developed and the sexual tension became impossible to resist, she never expected sex with a woman to be just as satisfying as with a man. It was completely different, but as it turns out, a good lay is a good lay. She could confidently say this one ranked among her most incredible experiences which was really saying something considering how long she was married. Strictly speaking, the best sex she ever had was not with her husband either, and this may very well have been an extremely close second.

She flinched at the memory of the other extramarital encounter and shoved it out of her mind as the intrusion on this moment was not a welcome one. As Sharon gazed upon the light haired woman's pale face illuminated in the moonbeam, she honestly felt she might never miss being with a man again if it meant she could find happiness right here in her arms. In that moment, a slow wave of nausea rolled over her stomach. Brenda may have wanted in her pants, even had feelings for her, but she never implied she didn't love her husband or that she might not want to be married to him. Sharon's face scrunched tight as she tried to will away the sting of tears and her whole body deflated.

'_Fuck,'_ she sighed internally.

'_Fritz.'_

Maybe that little tidbit should've been discussed before she let the Chief into her bed. She didn't really know anything about their marital situation other than the lawsuit having taken its toll on them. It's been sometime since she's lost her better judgment to a sexual fling, but this one may end up costing her more than a few regrets. She looked at the clock on her night stand – 10:37 PM.

"Chief.." she gently nudged the blond as she rolled on her side to face her and stroked her arm until she began to stir. "Brenda..."

Dark brown eyes drifted open and closed a few times in her direction as a warm smile spread over Brenda's features. "Captain," she cooed affectionately as she yawned and stretched, rolling over with a wide smile on her face and dropping several kisses in the valley between Sharon's breasts. She was obviously in a much more carefree state about their current situation and the older woman withdrew slightly from the affections.

"I was just wondering if you thought… well, it's getting late and I don't know… I wasn't sure if you wanted to go home. I mean, if... Fritz is expecting you home." She mentally kicked herself for being so awkward. Could she be any less smooth?

Brenda felt a pang of guilt for putting Sharon on the spot like that. She remembered the nights of having a married man in her bed and always wondering if he should go or of he could stay. Never wanting to ask or bring it up for fear of ruining the moment or casting an awkward silence between them. "Reoohhh," she groaned, slinging an arm low across Sharon's waist and burying her face between her breasts. Sharon stiffened slightly and placed a hesitant hand to the younger woman's hip. Brenda lifted her head and dropped a lingering kiss to each perky mound, looking up into Sharon's eyes. "Those are really magnificent, you know." It wasn't a question, and her eyes darkened again with desire as her fingernails grazed the curve of the Captain's hip, sinking in a bit at the waist.

Sharon's eyes slipped closed and her breathing quickened with shallow pants as thrumming tingles travelled south to her core. She clutched at the younger woman's hip more firmly as Brenda kissed her way up the elegant neckline, nipping at the older woman's jawline along the way and palming her breast which earned her a ragged vocal outburst in return. Sharon dipped her head, the pink tip of her tongue darting out to swipe across Brenda's lower lip. The blond growled and thrust her body forward as she latched onto Sharon's mouth with her own, licking and kissing between rough whimpers and wandering hands. Brenda worked her thigh between Sharon's legs, pressing upwards until Sharon scooted her hips back instead, using her knees against Brenda's as leverage, gently extricating herself from the heated interaction and sitting up on the edge of the bed with her back to the other woman.

It took the Chief a moment to catch up and she blinked several times as her brain registered the absence of contact. She scooted over to the side and swung her legs over the edge to sit next to her, but Sharon's eyes remained fixed on the window. Brenda took in the pale skin of the Captain's long legs practically glowing in the moonlight and her gaze travelled slowly upward to her delicate hands which were gripped tightly over the edge of the mattress. Her slender stomach wrinkled slightly from the sitting position and the swell of her breasts were framed by luxurious waves of thick, dark hair which tumbled down from the regal tilt of her head. Brenda thought she might as well be looking at a work of art, sculpted perfection frozen in this moment. She reached out her hand and closed her fingers over Sharon's, gently lifting her grip off the side of the bed and pulling it into her lap. "Sharon?" she asked timidly.

Sharon looked down at their joined hands, and spoke rationally while getting up to grab a lavender satin robe from the hook inside her closet and wrapping it tightly around her frame. "While I've always enjoyed your seemingly endless talent for deflection, Chief, you haven't answered my question." She tied the bow tightly and began fidgeting around the room, picking up articles of clothing and separating them into hers and hers piles on the bench at the foot of the bed.

Brenda's eyes grew wide watching her and she released a sigh, hunching her shoulders and dropping her head as she pushed off the bed. She didn't like where this was headed or how quickly the mood had disintegrated. Her libido where this woman was concerned had definitely gotten out of hand and she prayed she didn't just make a huge mistake that would end up costing her what little sanity at work she had left. They were getting along so well lately and if things went back to being as hostile as they used to, she honestly didn't know if she could take that. "Look, Sharon, of course I have to go home and.. I know. It's complicated," she started.

Sharon finally stopped and returned her eyes to the Chief, narrowing them slightly and quirking her lips into an almost imperceptible smirk, her tone dangerously friendly, "Oh no, Chief, it's not complicated at all. You got what you wanted, your... curiosity has been satisfied and now you'll go back to your life and I'll go back to mine." Her words extended and the smirk deepened as she lifted her head and turned to exit the room. Brenda's jaw fell and she scrambled to put some clothes on as she called after her, "Sharon, wait!" she whined. "I-I didn't... it's not…" She finally got dressed and made it out to the kitchen where the dark haired woman was pulling the cork out of her wine and sliding her glass next to the bottle. "Will you just wait a minute and listen to me?"

Sharon was furious with herself for falling prey to emotional fantasies and sexual desire without checking all the facts first. She felt ashamed for not keeping a clear head and didn't want to dwell on the fact that she just managed to let herself be hustled by the Chief. "Look, Chief, let's not drag this out, I'll save you the trouble. If you're thinking about work, you can relax."

"I'm not worried about work," she lied.

"Don't worry; I won't let this affect how I treat you or your team. I'm there to find the leak and do my job as I always have."

"Would you stop?" she grabbed both of her shoulders now and pinned her back to the counter, practically begging. "Please don't ruin this, Sharon, don't shut me out." Sharon opened her mouth to speak, but Brenda took hold of her face, winding her fingers into the silky hair at her temples and pressed their lips firmly together for a long moment before she whispered against the Captain's mouth. "I promise this wasn't just a fling. I can't explain these feelings, but I care about you and I'm not ready to let you go. It's complicated now, but I know we can figure this out." She pulled back and looked pleadingly through her lashes, dark eyes glittering. "Are you ready to let go of me? ... Sharon?"

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**A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short! It's basically a bridge chapter which I need to end here so I can make a time jump and develop the upcoming murder/suspense plot. Much love to all my followers and reviewers and hope you continue to enjoy the story! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

"Sorry, guys. Dr. Martek is off limits for questioning right now." The whole of the Major Crimes division looked up from their sorted piles of evidence and pictures at the sound of Agent Howard's announcement as he came striding in with Chief Pope and what looked to be another agent unknown to them in tow.

"What are you talkin' about?" Brenda interjected incredulously. "His nurse was found murdered and buried in a shallow grave not 2 miles from his practice! Of course we have to bring him in for questionin'."

Fritz addressed the group apologetically, but firmly. "Look, bringing him in now could cause him to cut his contacts, change his patterns, any number of things that would destroy a drug ring bust that we are very close to making."

Flynn was pinning pictures up on the white board and paused at the implication. "Drug ring? You think he's cartel?"

"Not that kind of drug ring." Fritz placed a hand on the shoulder of his companion and gestured to the room. "Everybody, this is Agent Gio Carvalho of the FDA Criminal Investigations Unit. He's the lead investigator on this case and we've been tracking Dr. Martek along with several of his suspected associates for nearly six months now."

Carvalho was tall and thin with blond hair and brown eyes. He was extremely well dressed and looked to be in his mid-fifties and carried a non-to-friendly demeanor towards the elite squad of detectives. His tone was abrupt and to the point. "I can tell you right now this murder goes way beyond one doctor and one nurse. Even if he did kill her himself, which I doubt… You call him in here, and you're likely to blow our whole op. This guy's working with some pretty major players."

Provenza was unimpressed and responded in his usual condescending manner. "Well what kind of drug ring are we talking about?"

Gio looked at Pope then back to the room. "We're not prepared to share the details just yet."

That was precisely the wrong thing to say in the interest of earning cooperation as far as Brenda Leigh Johnson was concerned and her southern accent became much more pronounced which usually meant trouble. "Well in that case, Agent Carvalho, we're not prepared to halt our investigation on the brutal murder of a nurse.."

Pope interrupted her burgeoning temper, "woah-woah, back up a minute. This is not up for debate. Chief Johnson, you will hand over all of your evidence to these two gentlemen and this case is no longer your jurisdiction."

"Actually, Chief, it is." The smooth intonation of Sharon Raydor's voice drifted over the scene and drew everyone's attention to the corner where no one had noticed she'd entered the room. The small stack of files tucked neatly under her left arm surely meant she was already one step ahead of everything that was taking place.

Pope liked Raydor from a distance. He admired her tenacity and methodical intelligence when it suited him, but her smug superiority really grated when it got in his way. "Really, Captain, because the last time I checked, when the Federal Government.."

Sharon began speaking over him in a calmly measured pitch. "This murder, while it would involve the questioning of a suspect whom the FBI is monitoring, falls clearly under LAPD jurisdiction since the victim.."

Chief Pope raised his voice to continue speaking over her, "has an established surveillance.."

"Do not interrupt me," Sharon's voice elevated dangerously for only a moment to emphasize those four words before returning to her rational demeanor. It was a testament to her formidable presence that everyone stopped talking to let her finish seeing as how technically she was the one who had interrupted the conversation in the first place. "Since the victim has never been on the radar for this case nor is she one of Dr. Martek's suspected associates, and most likely the FBI never heard of her before today, the LAPD is obligated to pursue this murder as potentially unrelated and look into the victim's life outside of work as well."

Brenda appeared to be growing more jittery as the Captain spoke even as Sharon was looking at her reassuringly. She never liked it when her lover and her husband were in such close proximity. Now that Sharon was practically an attaché to Major Crimes, every case that crossed with the FBI had become filled with unexpected jumpy moments for the usually unruffled Chief. She didn't like feeling that on edge at work. She should be on edge because there's a murder that needs solved, not because she's afraid something personal might slip or because she feels guilty.

Gio eyed the Captain suspiciously. He didn't know her, but he already didn't like her. "And if our suspect is involved, how do plan on doing that without alerting him that his criminal enterprise is under scrutiny?"

Brenda took Sharon's lead and ran with it. "We'll question everyone else of interest first, and if it looks like our only path leads back to your Dr. Martek, we'll brief the FBI on all findings and collaborate on approach."

"No way," Fritz dismissed flatly. "If you insist on investigating this murder, we'll agree to do it jointly, but the LAPD will have to follow our lead."

Sharon's eyes grew wide with apprehension. That is not what she was trying to accomplish at all. She wanted to help Brenda keep her case, but seeing as how she had to be involved as the ever-present hall monitor, the last thing she needed was to be tiptoeing around her lover's husband every step of the way. The few times the three of them had to work together usually did not end well and resulted in a few days if not week's separation from the Chief. "That's not exactly what.."

Chief Pope was not going to let her start up again. "That is the _only_ way, Captain, that Major Crimes will be allowed to investigate this murder _regardless_ of jurisdiction do I make myself clear."

It was not a question and the Captain knew she had already worn out her welcome with Pope in this instance and so dropped the protest, but Brenda chimed in almost immediately in faux sweet demeanor. "Crystal, Will."

Flynn had been watching the Captain from the corner of his eye. He didn't like how she had suddenly closed off and looked for all the world like she'd rather be anywhere else. He knew she didn't relish monitoring them and the idea of accusing one of them of being a leak didn't earn her any sympathizers, but something was different about this and it wasn't like her. He rolled his eyes as the exchange between Pope and the Chief finished up and turned his attention to address the feds. "So. Not to create a circular conversation, Agent Howard, but in the interest of joint operations and all, it would really help us to know the full story of what we are potentially up against with this Dr. Martek and how it might affect our case."

Nobody noticed how Lieutenant Tao had been busying himself for the past several minutes while the arguments had ensued. "How about foreign prescription medications coming into the US and being distributed by physician offices who are billing Medicare for the US drug equivalent?"

Carvalho looked darkly at Fritz and back to Tao. "What makes you say that?"

"I just did a web search on Martek and his practice and there's a pdf file from the FDA that's a matter of public record addressed to his office manager, NiChel Abrams. It's basically just a warning that purchasing drug from foreign pharmacies is not legal and could place patients in jeopardy.

Detective Sanchez had been listening quietly to the exchange of information, his usual M.O. He spoke to Gio without looking up from his desk. "Sounds like it's possible, sir, that that letter might've already tipped off your criminal enterprise."

"The FDA sent those letters to several physician offices all over the country that were suspected of purchasing medications from Canadian pharmacies before we realized the pharmacies were tied together and most likely owned and operated by a group of US doctors. Martek has no reason to believe we suspect him of further illegal activity since most likely many of his colleagues received those same letters and it is all a matter of public record." Carvalho didn't like Sanchez' attitude, but he didn't consider him a threat. He continued to keep an eye on that Captain Raydor. She looked like she was calculating and keeping her cards close to her chest and he didn't like it.

"So patients are being supplied with counterfeit medications by their doctors?" Brenda was trying to narrow down the main issue of concern.

Tao piped up again. "Not necessarily counterfeit, Chief. Pharmaceutical companies manufacture the same drugs for different markets at different prices: the European Union, Mexico, U.S., etc. The only difference is the packaging and sometimes the name will be slightly varied."

"Well, if patients are getting valid medication at a cheaper cost, what's the problem?"

Fritz cast a sideways glance in her direction. "Many of these docs are not passing the savings along, and besides that, they're still illegal foreign imports."

Carvalho picked up his explanation from there. "The risk for counterfeit meds entering the supply increases dramatically with foreign product because it's not subject to FDA inspection. All US products are required to carry an NDC number which means they are approved by the FDA so these so-called doctors are putting patient's lives at risk for the sake of saving a few dollars."

At the blatant circumvention of what she knew to be the FDA's biggest motivator, Sharon finally rejoined the conversation with a haughty indignity. "_Oh_. It's more than just a few dollars. We agree it's illegal, Agent Carvalho, but let's not pretend your motives are… entirely altruistic. Since the US market is the place where the pharmaceutical companies are allowed to make the most money, we know they use that to lobby extensively with the FDA which means a cut to their pocket is a cut to yours as well."

Carvalho rounded on Sharon and her face contorted into a knowing smirk as she held her ground while he proceeded to pummel her with the inaccuracies of her accusations.

"Alright!" Fritz interjected. "The bottom line is, it's a ring of organized crime operating across our borders and I guarantee you the leaders are not in this for humanitarian reasons. There is big money to be had and that makes them just as dangerous as any other drug trafficking ring so shutting down that organization has to be our number one priority."

"Well our number one priority is a registered nurse by the name of Marilu Juarez and she is right here in this picture, hastily buried in the underbrush like a piece of trash!" Sanchez was always fiercely dedicated to finding justice for victims, but even more so when it was a child or a Hispanic woman.

"Alright, gentlemen. It seems we certainly have enough causes to go around. So how do we proceed?" Brenda looked directly to her husband for a response to her question.

While Johnson, Raydor, Howard, and Carvalho began discussing tactics, Sanchez had taken a phone call and seemed to be getting increasingly animated, quickly scribbling new information on the crime board. Brenda immediately noticed the change in her detective's demeanor and trailed off her end of the conversation as she watched him finish his from across the room. He hung up the phone and addressed her immediately. "Chief, that was Hollywood division with another body. Buried only 200 yards from Marilu and this one looks to have been there even longer. No identification, but she's wearing a similar uniform."

"Oh, good Lord, another nurse," Provenza grumbled.

"Alright, uh, detective, we need to set up a perimeter around that entire wooded area. Lieutenant Flynn, please arrange for a team of search dogs to meet us there and um, Fritz, Agent Carvalho?

"We're going with you. And we need to handle this search discreetly in case this place turns out to be a dump site for Martek's victims. We don't need anyone who might warn him seeing a million black & whites surveying the area."

"We'll do our best," she retorted sardonically. "Tao.."

"Yes, Chief?"

"Please work on locating Marilu's family members and see if you can get them to come down to answer a few questions. Even though it's becoming more apparent that she might be a victim of this foreign drug ring, it's still a good place to start. Provenza, please go with the Lieutenant."

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**A/N: Woo-hoo, the suspense begins! Finally getting into the good stuff :) Thanks for all the encouragement!  
**


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